Hazel’s BRAVE Story

I kissed him goodbye and left him at the hospital and went home. The days blurred into explaining what happened over and over, arranging a memorial service, making sure my husband was ok, making sure my now 12-year-old son was ok, making sure the world was ok...

Well, that’s how it seemed.

My wonderful sister Kala, who was pregnant at the same time as me, was my strength, and when October came around and I learned that it was pregnancy and infant loss awareness month she said, “Do something in Matties Memory.” And that was how Mattie’s Memory got its name and how it was formed.

We set out to help the hospital where Matthew was born with memory packs. We were so proud of the ones we donated that first month. By Christmas, we had done some for the NICU as well, but it didn't seem like enough, we had to do more.

We began fundraising, finding people who could make hats and blankets, and getting items together for the hospital where my eldest son was born, and soon we had enough and donated there. This time we included our business cards and this is where the explosion so to speak happened. We began getting calls from nursing staff from other area hospitals asking for our items, soon we were providing them all over Milwaukee County. This still wasn’t enough for me, I needed to do more.

I was granted a scholarship to train to become a bereavement doula and this sounded like the path I needed to go down. I worked hard and when graduated threw myself into the work. I wanted my families to not feel how alone I was, I wanted to make sure that these families had someone with them who could help them remember the things they would forget, I wanted to be the change in their lives on this sad journey, and that they would remember someone cared.

Even through doing all this the words still echoed, “He is in a shoebox”. I knew more could be done. I began making burial gowns and bassinets for tiny babies around Mattie’s size. I knew how much it would have meant to me to have seen Mattie in a small bassinet rather than a shoe box. To be able to hold him close it feels soft not hardness of the box.

While making these items and putting together memory packs and being there for families during loss, I began trying to raise awareness by doing the most ridiculous things such as the polar plunge not the smartest thing I have done however it’s been done 5 times and if you are in Wisconsin you know how cold it is in winter and can imagine how cold Lake Michigan is, lego walks another not smart event the bruising on my feet OUCH but we have done 9 of those.

Matthew’s name was soon known by many people and as Matties Memory grew his legacy grew. As his legacy grew the need for what we do grew. Now as we approach July 28 his 12th birthday we look around and see what we have done in his memory. 27,000 burial gowns have been donated across Wisconsin, the USA, and worldwide, 16,000 memory and miscarriage packs have been donated world-wide, 5000 blanket and hat sets to area NICUs, and 902 loss families have received free doula and midwifery services. This is my son’s legacy. As the Stillbirth Prevention Act was passed his name was carried into the white house by some of the people I work with. My son made it to the white house...

It’s been 12 years and I miss him greatly, I wonder what my 12-year-old would be like, I also wonder if he knows what has been done in his memory. I would give the world however to hold him one more time.

“I am BRAVE because there needs to be a voice for the voiceless and a presence for the lost.” — Hazel