10 Tips for Better Sleep in Grief

10 Tips for Better Sleep in Grief

The evidence is strong that good sleep can help with healthy bereavement. Taking control and ownership of everything you can do to stay healthy and sleep well during this time gives you a sense of power. More importantly, it helps you recover from loss with less pain than necessary and lowers your risk of developing complicated grief.

Researchers have found that treating grief also improves sleep. However, sleep problems may still linger if not addressed directly themselves.

Follow these tips to help improve your sleep starting today.

1. Follow a regularly scheduled sleep pattern.

A consistent sleep schedule can help you get a more regular amount of sleep on a nightly basis. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends. Avoid prolonged napping during the day, as this will only make it tougher for you to fall asleep at night. If you are absolutely exhausted, maybe limit your nap to 20 minutes. This short nap length will prevent you from falling into a deep sleep which is quite difficult to wake up from.

2. Spend time with friends and family.

During this time, consider spending additional time with people who love and care about you. Find people who will allow you to share your stories, your grief, and your tears without judgement, but who will also know when to help distract you by doing an activity together.

3. Avoid self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, or sleeping aids.

While they may help you fall asleep initially, many of these substances actually disrupt the quality of your sleep – and they can lead to addiction and permanent changes in your sleep architecture when abused. You may want to ask your doctor about melatonin, which is a natural supplement that can help promote sleep. Even natural sleeping aids should only be used as a temporary solution. Instead, focus on the behavioral strategies outlined here to improve your sleep to the best extent possible.

4. Keep up a healthy exercise routine.

Exercise gets your endorphins going and helps you feel physically better. It provides a distraction from the pain you are going through, and it also helps you sleep. By physically tiring your body, you will fall asleep more easily by bedtime. Just take care to complete your exercise in the morning or earlier part of the day. That activating energy can wake you up, so you want to avoid doing it too close to bedtime. Also try to exercise in the sunshine if possible, for an extra lift in energy and mood, plus vitamin D.

5. Eat well.

Just like exercise, what you eat affects your mood and your sleep, too. It may be more challenging than ever to get out of bed and avoid indulging in bad foods during this time, but it only makes it that much more important. Do your best to eat wholesome, nutrient-dense foods and avoid overly sugary, junky, or fatty foods. The same foods that don’t make you feel great emotionally or physically also disrupt your sleep. Instead, incorporate more of these healthy, sleep-promoting foods into your diet. Also, even though caffeine is tolerable for most people, limit your intake past the afternoon. It activates your nervous system, keeping you alert and potentially anxious.

6. Develop a calming bedtime routine.

Creating a bedtime routine is helpful for anyone who wants to fall asleep faster, but for those grieving, it gives you something to focus on besides your grief. Walking through the steps of your bedtime routine will train your mind to recognize that it’s time to go to bed, while also helping clear your mind of sad thoughts. When we lose someone close to us, it disrupts our daily routine. Establishing a bedtime routine can also help give you a sense of control again, bringing a sense of order back into your life.

Include relaxing activities in your bedtime routine. These will calm your anxious spirit and nervous system, preparing your body for sleep.

Some options include:

• Drink a cup of warm bedtime herbal tea

• Take a warm bath

• Dim the lights sooner and turn off the electronics

• Practice meditation or visualization – you can download a guided meditation app on your smartphone. (Try Declutter Your Mind for free)

• Perform deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation exercises in bed

• Practice yoga poses for sleep

• Listen to calming music or a white noise machine

• Read a book

• Try aromatherapy by misting your pillow with a lavender essential oil spray or running a diffusor

8. Try journaling.

If you wake up during the night, don’t stress. Disrupted sleep is a common part of grief. If you can’t fall back asleep after 10 minutes or so, get out of bed and go into another room. This part is key – you don’t want your mind to start viewing your bed as a place where you lie awake and frustrated.

In the other room, you might again try one of the relaxing activities from your bedtime routine. You might also take the time to journal. Write about happy thoughts and memories, calming your mind and giving you something to focus on besides the fact that you can’t sleep.

9. Avoid electronics at night.

Electronics like our smartphones flood our eyes with strong blue light. Our brain perceives this as sunlight and tries to keep us up and awake. Beyond the physical reaction, electronics often provide added stressors, even though many of us view them as leisure devices. Dramatic TV shows can affect our nervous system, social media notifications may trigger us, and emails may shoot up our adrenaline. Avoiding electronics in the 60 minutes before bed helps mentally break away from these distressing reminders while avoiding confusing our brain about what time of day it is.

10. Reframe your bedroom.

It’s possible you have items that remind you of the loss in your bedroom, whether it’s a photo of you and your loved one, or a memento of the person. You may even have shared your bed with the person you’ve lost. It may be easier for you to cope if you remove reminders of that person from your room – at least temporarily. Seeing their face or clothes may trigger your grief.

Also, be mindful of how else your bedroom is for hurting your sleep. You may take this time to redecorate your room, giving you something to focus on that provides hope. Choose calming, relaxing colors and clear your bedroom of clutter. A calmer bedroom environment makes for a calmer mind, more conducive to sleep. It might also be time for you to get a new mattress. Sleeping on a high-quality, comfortable mattress makes it easier for you to fall asleep, and the new one may remind you less of your lost loved one.

Work, fun, and other activities wake up your brain. You want your brain to see your bedroom as a place solely for sleep. Try to keep your bedroom the space for finding solace, rest, and relaxation.

Grief can make sleep difficult, but it's essential for healing. Remember, rest is necessary, not a luxury. By creating a calming bedtime routine, making your sleep space restful, using relaxation techniques, and seeking help if needed, you're taking important steps to care for yourself.

Grief is personal, and finding what helps you sleep may take time. Be kind to yourself. Prioritizing rest shows self-compassion. As you move through this journey, allow yourself to rest and heal. By caring for your sleep, you're supporting your grief journey and building a healthier future.

May you be BRAVE enough to gift yourself moments of peace and rest along the way.