Holding Space for Our Hearts During the Holidays: Sending Love Without Sending Cards
Holding Space for Our Hearts During the Holidays: Sending Love Without Sending Cards
The holidays can be a delicate time for grieving parents. The sights and sounds that once brought joy
might now bring a deep ache, especially as we think about all the ways we used to celebrate with our children. Amidst the expectations to carry on with traditions, one task may feel particularly heavy for many bereaved parents: sending Christmas cards.
For some of us, the thought of holiday cards feels overwhelming. The cheerful images, the words of good tidings, even the simple task of addressing the envelopes—it all reminds us of who we’re missing. It’s okay to acknowledge this. It’s okay if we’re not ready, or if we choose to approach this tradition differently now. Here are some thoughts and supportive suggestions for approaching holiday cards, and ideas to honor our children in ways that feel right for us.
1. Letting Go of Expectations and Embracing Grace
Give yourself permission to skip the cards this year—or next year, or as long as it feels necessary. There’s no rulebook for grieving parents during the holidays. Your focus may simply be on making it through each day, honoring your child quietly, and protecting your heart. Choosing not to send cards does not mean you don’t care about family or friends; it’s a form of self-compassion and an acknowledgment that this season may look different for you now.
If you still wish to share holiday greetings, consider sending them digitally. A warm message via email, a text, or a phone call may be a gentler approach, allowing you to connect without the formality of a traditional holiday card.
2. Creating a Personalized Way to Honor Your Child
If you’d like to send something in remembrance of your child, consider making or including a small token that honors them. This could be a remembrance card with their name and a special poem, a small piece of art, or even just a heartfelt message expressing your love and memories of them. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture—sometimes, the simplest notes can mean the most to those who truly understand.
These mementos allow you to include your child in a gentle, meaningful way and can even open the door for others to remember and honor them with you.
3. Sharing Your Child’s Story with Those Who Hold Your Heart
Sharing a memory or a story about your child on social media or in a personal note can be another way to include them in the season. Tell others about a holiday tradition you shared with your child, or a memory that still makes you smile. This can be a healing way to keep their presence alive in your own way, allowing others to hold space for your child’s memory without the weight of traditional holiday messaging.
When you share memories, you remind others that your child is part of your family’s story, just as they would be if they were physically here. Their memory remains woven into every season and every celebration, and sharing that with others can be a beautiful way to honor their life.
You can also choose to share your BRAVE story publicly on our #whatsyourBRAVE project guest blog. APPLY HERE.
4. Finding Peace in Simple Rituals
If formal cards feel too difficult, consider creating a quiet ritual at home instead. Light a candle in honor of your child, hang an ornament with their name or a special reminder of them, or create a small memorial space in your home. Some parents find peace in writing a private letter to their child, filling it with thoughts and reflections on the year. These rituals are deeply personal, offering a sense of connection that doesn’t require public sharing but brings comfort in honoring your child’s place in your life.
5. Seeking Support and Compassion in Community
Remember, you’re not alone in this. There are countless others who feel the heartache of sending cards without the names or photos we yearn to include. Seeking support from a community that understands can make a world of difference. This is why organizations like Bereaved Together are here—to provide a safe place to be vulnerable, to express these unique challenges, and to find understanding among those who truly know.
Even if you choose not to send cards, you might consider joining virtual support groups or gatherings during the holiday season. Many grieving parents find comfort in sharing their stories and connecting with others who understand. You don’t have to go through this season alone, and there are countless ways to honor your child alongside others who are on a similar journey.
Honoring Your Own Heart, Every Step of the Way
Sending holiday greetings might feel bittersweet, or even impossible, right now. Take comfort in knowing that it’s okay to set this tradition aside or reshape it in a way that feels gentle and true to your heart. Honoring our children can be done in many ways, both quietly within ourselves and in ways we share with others.
The holiday season is, above all, a time to honor love—and our children’s love remains, in every season. Whether you light a candle, share a memory, or simply hold them close in your thoughts, remember that there’s no right or wrong way to include them. May we give ourselves permission to honor our grief, to care for our hearts, and to trust that our children’s light shines on, beautifully and bravely, through every choice we make.
We are here to hold this space for you. Wishing you peace and gentleness this holiday season, from all of us at Bereaved Together.
