How to Hold Mother's Day When Your Child Is Not Here
How to Hold Mother's Day When Your Child Is Not Here
For many, Mother’s Day is filled with flowers, cards, and joyful celebration. But for bereaved mothers, it can be one of the most painful days of the year. It’s a day that can highlight absence just as loudly as it once celebrated presence.
Whether your child died in pregnancy, infancy, childhood, or adulthood—your motherhood is real, lasting, and worthy of recognition. No matter how long it’s been, this day may still ache. It may be filled with tears, with memories, with longing.
You are not alone.
We hold space for the truth that Mother’s Day can be both sacred and sorrowful. And we believe that grief and celebration are not opposites—they often walk hand in hand.
If you’re looking for ways to acknowledge your motherhood and honor your child this Mother’s Day, here are some gentle, meaningful ideas to consider.
1. Light a Candle
Create a moment of quiet remembrance by lighting a candle in your child’s honor. Let the flame represent their light in your life. You may want to do this privately or invite others to join you in different locations at the same time.
2. Say Their Name
Speaking your child’s name can be one of the most healing acts of remembrance. Say it aloud. Write it in your journal. Text it to a trusted friend. Share it online. Your child’s name deserves to be remembered and spoken.
3. Create a Memory Box
Fill a small box with keepsakes that remind you of your child—photos, sonograms, letters, special objects. Taking time to hold these items can help you feel close, even in the pain of absence.
4. Write a Letter to Your Child
Let your heart speak freely. You might write about what you miss, how much you love them, what you wish you could say, or how you’ve carried their memory. This simple act of writing can offer connection in a deeply personal way.
5. Plant Something in Their Honor
Choose something living to plant—a flower, tree, or even a small potted herb. Watching it grow and change can be a symbol of enduring love and memory.
6. Create Something From Your Grief
You don’t need to be an artist to make something meaningful. Use paint, words, clay, fabric, or anything that lets your emotions move through your hands. Art can hold what words often can’t.
7. Keep a Grief Journal
A grief journal can be a safe space for what you may not want to say out loud. There’s no wrong way to write—just let what’s in your heart flow freely. Put on some music, take a few deep breaths, and let it flow.
8. Frame a Tribute
Frame a favorite photo, a written memory, a poem, or a quote that reflects your child or your love. Let it live in a place where you can see and remember daily.
9. Ask Others to Remember With You
Sometimes people want to support us—they just don’t know how. Invite close friends or family to say your child’s name, share a memory, or simply acknowledge you on Mother’s Day.
10. Care for Yourself Tenderly
Give yourself permission to cancel plans, avoid social media, or take a quiet walk. A warm drink, a nap, or your favorite show—self-care can be sacred.
11. Wear or Display Something Meaningful
Wear a necklace with their initials. Don a bracelet with their birthstone. Put up a piece of art in your home. Let these items be reminders of a love that never fades.
12. Create a Public or Private Tribute
Whether you post something online or keep it just for yourself, acknowledging your child in words can offer both release and remembrance.
13. Do Something Bold
Just like the vitality of your love for your child, do something for yourself that helps you feel alive, that lights you up, and that makes you feel like you are experiencing life to the fullest. Try a high ropes course, get a tattoo, take a solo road trip, sing at karaoke. Bold doesn’t always mean loud or wild—it means being unapologetically yourself and experiencing life.
14. Connect with Other Bereaved Mothers
Grief can be isolating, especially on days like this. Join us in our online support group, send us a text 878-25-BRAVE (27283), connect with a fellow bereaved mom for dinner, or attend a remembrance gathering. Just knowing someone else understands can bring a bit of light.
There’s No Right Way to Do This
If you feel strong today—beautiful. If you feel broken—beautiful, too. Grief doesn’t follow a timeline, and neither does motherhood after loss.
You may cry. You may laugh. You may feel numb or grateful. Let whatever comes be okay.
We honor the strength it takes to live with grief. Especially today. Especially when the world forgets what you live with every single day.
You are still, and always, a mother.
However you choose to spend Mother’s Day—your love endures. And so does the memory of your child.
Explore more grief support at:
👉 Online Peer-to-Peer Support Group
👉 Resource guidebooks: At a Loss for Words (available on Amazon)
