When Back-to-School Season Hurts

The start of a new school year can be a bittersweet marker for so many of us in this community. While it’s a milestone filled with excitement for many families, it can also be a tender reminder of our child who is not here — the one who won’t be picking out a backpack, meeting their teacher, or running to catch the bus.

It’s impossible not to imagine what this season could have looked like:

What grade would they be starting?

What style of lunchbox might they have picked?

Would they have loved school… or dragged their feet every morning?

Those missed moments — those “should have been” memories — can stir up deep waves of grief, even years after our losses.

When the World Feels Out of Step with Your Heart

Everywhere we look this time of year, we’re surrounded by back-to-school buzz: social media filled with first-day photos, families gathering school supplies, kids waiting in line for the bus. For parents who still have children at home, there can be another layer — the anxiety of letting your living children go for the day, that ache of separation, and sometimes even panic or fear. It can feel like another loss all over again.

That contrast — the world celebrating a fresh start while your heart is heavy — can be incredibly isolating.

For those who want to support a grieving parent

• Back-to-school season often requires a little extra gentleness. If you know a parent navigating this time after pregnancy loss, infant loss, or child loss:

• Acknowledge the weight of the season. A simple, “I’m thinking of you as school starts” can mean more than you know.

• Say their child’s name if they had one, and remember the grade they would be in.

• Offer tangible help. School supply shopping, filling out forms, or driving other children to events can feel overwhelming — step in if you can.

• Resist fixing. Don’t tell them to “move on” or “look on the bright side.” Just be there.

• Check in beyond the first week. The ache doesn’t vanish when the bus pulls away. Consistent, compassionate presence matters.

For the Grieving Mom

Sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is find ways — big or small — to weave our child’s memory into this season. Here are a few ideas you might adapt to what feels right for you:

• Donate books to the school library in your child’s name.

• Volunteer in a classroom that matches the grade they would be entering.

• Purchase and donate a backpack or school supplies for a child in need — perhaps in their favorite color or with a motif that reminds you of them.

• Support a school fundraiser in their memory.

• Add a subtle tribute to first-day photos — a sign with their name and grade, a special outfit, or even an open space where they would have stood.

• Include a note “from” your child in your living children’s lunchboxes.

• Plant a memorial tree and take first-day photos beside it each year.

If the above doesn't feel right, that's totally normal and 100% okay. There’s no one right way to move through back-to-school season. Some years you might lean into remembrance, and other years you may need to pull back and protect your heart.

Either way, you are not alone.

GRAB THIS FREE RESOURCE

8 Tips for Bereaved Moms During Back-To-School Season

If this season is feeling heavy, please know that in our Bereaved Together community, there are other moms carrying this too — and holding space for you with compassion, love, and understanding.

Join our free online peer-to-peer supportive community HERE!